eurostar humiliation

26 Feb

My mother says she won’t pick up my wedding dress from the shop until I get the gigantic horse costume out of her apartment.  I bought it for my brother to wear one Halloween in London.  He didn’t.  So now neither the dress nor the horse have been worn, and both are residing in the UK.

The question is-which is more practical?  The wedding dress only gets used the one time-but a giant horse costume, that is likely to provide decades of entertainment.  It’s just one of those never-go-out-of-style items.  When one isn’t having a wedding, owning a wedding dress is little more than a prescription for depression.

Besides, the horse costume makes it appear as though you are a cowboy riding the animal.  Complete with fake human legs on either side of the saddle, its one of those giant stuffed contraptions where the pants are really the back legs of a HASBRO inspired Mr. Ed.  There’s really only one problem with retrieving it from London.

Indy.

Well, Indy and the idea of wearing a horse costume on the Eurostar as that is most certainly the only way to get it on the train.  Not sure how well I’d be able to mingle with the other passengers with a massive horse erecting from my crotch.  Not well would be my best guess.

That problem aside though-there’s still Fatbreath to worry about.

She once spent hours attacking the foot of a giant stuffed Ninja Turtle masquerading about as a drunken Englishman.  Complete with growls, raised fur, and ferocious grunts she hung off the poor guys foot as he mingled with the rest of his painter-inspired posse.  Makes me wonder how she’d handle the horse.

Though to be fair, its probably better than me handling the dress.  Honestly, I’d have to wear that monstrosity on the train to get it home as well.  Which is worse? Horse-crotch or unexplained solo-bride on the Eurostar?  Sitting there by myself in a dress that could not possibly described as anything but  wedding attire on a bad hair day with little make-up?

Horse crotch wins.  Next stop-train station.

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One Response to “eurostar humiliation”

  1. Man-shopper February 26, 2010 at 11:13 am #

    I just fell off my chair laughing. There’s a scratch on my arm to prove it. You can bet that I will be there at the station with you to document Operation Horse Crotch in action, camera and notebook in hand!

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