The first of many T tales

10 Mar

My high school fire alarm once went off when my friend T and I were in the bathroom putting on fat-suits.  To clarify, fat-suit here means neon spandex unitards stuffed with pillows, topped off with side-ponytails, excessive amounts of make-up, and running shoes.

It was not a look we were particularly excited to share with the rest of the school.  Especially with the portion of the school populated by hot guys.

Nevertheless, there we stood in the bathroom (pillows down the suits over our asses and bellies-smaller pillows for tits), horrified to realize we were about to stand outside with everyone we went to school with, looking like two fat German women prepping for an aerobics course.

I’m not discriminating against the Germans here, so before anyone gets too excited, let me just state:  we were dressed up as fat German women doing aerobics because we had written a skit for our German class in which we depicted two schnitzel loving, bratwurst-gobbling women in need of a work-out.

The alarm went off, the school filed outside, and we had no time or choice but to follow suit.  In addition, it was hot outside so between the pillows, the spandex, the 80’s porn-hair, and the blushing-I’m pretty sure she and I have never looked hotter.

No wonder neither of us married anyone from high school.  Next time I’m in public and a fire-alarm goes off, I’d like to be in Victoria’s Secret after a strict six-month gym regime.  And I’d like the mall to be full of everyone who had to see me looking like an idiot that day oh so long ago.


Knowing my luck, the next time a fire-alarm going off has any impact on me at all, I’ll be attempting to convince myself in a TopShop dressing room that spandex really has come back in style.


7 Responses to “The first of many T tales”

  1. Gnetch March 10, 2010 at 7:56 pm #

    lol lol!!! The things teachers made us do… 😀

    • wanderingmenace March 10, 2010 at 8:05 pm #

      As much as I’d love to blame the teacher for those outfits, it was 100% our idea. Throughout the work-out skit we took ‘pills’ that made us lose weight, so we’d keep yelling out in German while throwing out various pieces of pillow from the suits.
      Again, all voluntary….
      Not advocating I was the coolest girl in school…

  2. C March 11, 2010 at 12:20 am #

    I remember those suits and I am willing to bet that you and “T” still wear them every once and a while just to see peoples reactions. As I recall, I even witnessed you and T on the trampoline in the fat suits.. classic, way before Jackass.

  3. Trey March 11, 2010 at 5:07 am #

    I’ve been trying to contain my laughter on this all fucking day. I just… as if high school isn’t hard enough. I guess it must have been said fire drill that made us think it would be a good idea to go buy a Jumbo Jack from Juan in the same fucking suits. I will never forget Juan’s face when he saw us. Just that typical Juan “what the FUCK” horrified, eyebrow slightly raised, mouth open look.

    Don’t judge us!

  4. Trey March 11, 2010 at 5:33 am #

    PS, was it you or I that came up with this brilliant plan. I vaguely remember the actual performance, and from what I recall, it was just you and I crumbling to the floor with laughter. Or maybe that was just our practice sesh. Fucking. Hysterical.

    • wanderingmenace March 11, 2010 at 1:24 pm #

      I honestly cannot remember how this plan got started. I do remember that we thought the 80’s textbooks were hilarious-hence the spandex and porn-hair. And yes, I had forgotten until ‘C’ pointed it out-we did get on the trampoline in them.
      Studying at its finest.

  5. Juliana March 11, 2010 at 2:42 pm #

    better still… next time the fire alarm goes off and you’re in a fat suit, you’ll be approached by a hot guy with a fantastic sense of humor who will be drawn to you, wondering what’s underneath the fantastic costume….

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