Bulldog+salami=gasmask

8 Apr

Indy has spent the majority of the morning trying to bite her own ass.

I blame the salami she managed to inhale in the two seconds it fell on the kitchen floor this morning.

Evidently, salami + Indy = flatulence.

I’ve been catching up on the blogs I read, and every few minutes I hear what sounds like a whoopie cushion, followed by a bark, and then a tasmanian-devil masquerading as my dog scurries across the floor in circles, trying to bite her own butt.  She is under the impression it is under attack.

Since it is distracting, I have attempted the following two methods to rid her of the gas so that I can continue about my day in relatively clean air:

1.  I tried squeezing her from either side.  This resulted in a pathetic glance and snort, followed by a long yawn.

2.  I tried squeezing her head backwards into her body, like an accordion.  This was in the hopes that all air would be pushed back and out.  Result: Slobbery hand.  Well that and she sat in the corner with her back to me for about five minutes, glancing over her shoulder every so often to make sure I noted her disapproval of my fart-free tactics.  She remained in that position until of course, she loudly tooted again.

So now she’s back to running around in circles, in what has got to be the most effort anything French has ever put up against an attack.

Seriously.

Freedom Fries my ass.

Well, her ass-as the case may be.

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12 Responses to “Bulldog+salami=gasmask”

  1. Alex April 8, 2010 at 2:00 pm #

    OMG. I love that you tried to squeeze the farts out of your dog… I may try that on my husband before we go out on a date. Maybe I’ll have better luck.

  2. wanderingmenace April 8, 2010 at 2:03 pm #

    hahahaha
    yes well I wouldn’t recommend the face push, it didn’t seem to work out well for our relationship…

  3. Juliana April 8, 2010 at 2:23 pm #

    lol… thank you for the morning laugh. you are fun.
    lucky for me, tori’s a real mutt that can eat pretty much anything without much consequence. but when she farts, she looks at me and leaves. it’s such a blank stare, i don’t know if she’s trying to put the blame on me or saying, “sorry! better dash now.”

  4. Gnetch April 8, 2010 at 3:40 pm #

    Would this work on humans? I’m having the same problem with my brother sometimes. Hahaha.

  5. Jimmy April 8, 2010 at 4:25 pm #

    Ah the “Fart Whisperer”, you make me laugh.

    Lucky dog of yours.

    Oh Freedom Fries!

  6. Barbara April 8, 2010 at 9:35 pm #

    My dog has a serious gas problem as well. Hers are usually silent but deadly ones, but every now and then they’ll be so loud that they scare her. It’s so funny to watch.

  7. mschatz03 April 9, 2010 at 1:33 am #

    “So now she’s back to running around in circles, in what has got to be the most effort anything French has ever put up against an attack.”

    I’m dying!

  8. wanderingmenace April 9, 2010 at 7:12 am #

    Juliana: We always had mutts growing up. Indy is the first purebred dog I’ve ever owned, and I chose the breed because of how lazy they are for apartment life. Though I have to say-I had no idea an animal could sleep this long or fart this loud. Tori is adorable by the way.

    Gnetch: Good luck with trying it on the brother, but I hope he’s smaller than you. I used to get away with stuff like that with kid-ginger until he got much, much taller and stronger than me.

    Jimmy: hahahahahaha, great description

    Barbara: in general a dogs gas is just absolutely deadly. hilarious watching them freak out though.

    Mschatz03: haha, I was wondering if anyone really picked up on my jab there. I like to throw those in now and again.

  9. Mom April 10, 2010 at 11:53 am #

    Great picture!

  10. suki April 10, 2010 at 8:54 pm #

    LOL – the visual of you trying to turn your dog into an accordion is hilarious.

  11. paigeworthy May 14, 2010 at 1:46 pm #

    WOW.

  12. Brooke December 23, 2010 at 3:36 am #

    So this is really random, somehow, my blog said that this may be a post related to one of mine (which it totally isn’t), but I’m so glad I stumbled on your blog! Hilarious about the dog farts. I can definitely relate. In a moment of weakness, I gave my dog some steak bits the other day out of a BEAN soup. Not a good idea. I felt complete remorse over the decision later that night as Abby lay tooting on the living room couch right next to me. Haha. Anyway, funny stuff. Nice blog!

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