performance art

23 Nov

I’m considering starting a rhythmic performance art show with kid-Ginger.

True, I have limited musical talent (save for interpretive dance and on a good day-finger symbols).  There’s also the minor detail that my brother doesn’t play any instruments.  But what American dream hasn’t started on the bitter cement of nothing?

None dear reader, absolutely none.

I suppose this logic could be applied to potential careers in other industries, but I’m sticking to music.  Besides, if we slap the genre post-modern on our vision, I don’t see how we can go wrong.

Let me set the stage (or street corner-as I’m thinking this is the most likely first venue) for you.

Brother leaning against a building (preferably condemned-capturing the essence of our time), a broken guitar sadly leans against his ripped denim-clad kneecap.   Myself front and center, one hand in pocket, other casually dangling finger symbols, suspenders hug my Mr. T t-shirt.    Kid-Ginger taps his feet to music the audience can only imagine as there is none actually playing.  I stand still, creepily eyeing anyone stopping to watch-holding eye contact like a ninja goldfish, ready to launch.

Brother steadies himself from building, hangs the tattered fret board off one shoulder, saunters down sidewalk, and utters the words:

“Art. Is. Unemployed.”

Enter in the finger symbol.

Tapping the broken guitar against his thigh, he then proceeds to recite select passages from A Christmas Carol, haunting chime of the symbol periodically echoing his phrases.

Finishing with the passages regarding Tiny Tim-(lets say ten minutes later), he again repeats the phrase:

“Art. Is. Unemployed.”

At which point, the symbol releases me from my frozen stance as I start quickly repeating that gem from the 80’s:

“I pity the fool.  I pity the fool.  I pity the fool.  I pity the fool.”

Which of course, is Kid-Ginger’s cue to slam out air guitar, full with leg kicks and the occasional head-bang.  This goes on for about five minutes, with my intonation ranging from childlike to scary-beast voice (have practiced in mirror-fear not readers, fear not).

Final symbol chimes.

We both freeze.

Kid-Ginger looks over at me, sighs and utters:


I return my hands to my pockets, glare at the audience and state:


With any luck, we’d end up with enough cash for two orders of waffles at IHOP.

If ordering those at that establishment isn’t enough indication of our nonconformist nature, then I’d better start revamping my resume.

After this at least I can add ‘ability to make fool of self for cash’ under skills.


12 Responses to “performance art”

  1. Bob November 23, 2010 at 3:56 pm #

    Encore Encore!! Wow I can only wish the street performers here were so artistically inclined.

    With chops like that you could end up on Ellen or gracing the cover of Performance Art Monthly.

    What performer worth his or her salt didn’t start out in exactly the same spot. Hell even the uber kid Justin Bieber started out busking small town Ontario.

    First we take Manhattan, then we take Berlin!!

    • wanderingmenace November 23, 2010 at 4:02 pm #

      Yes! Let’s take Manhattan, if we can round up the Muppets, I hear they’re pretty good at that scene.
      What a posse we could get going here Bob. I’m excited.
      If Gonzo followed me around all day, I swear to you I’d be the happiest girl in all of the land.

      • Bob November 23, 2010 at 7:44 pm #

        Well I don’t know about Gonzo, but give me a few days without shaving and I could look like Animal! 🙂

  2. wanderingmenace November 23, 2010 at 10:31 pm #

    Well Animal’s a pretty cool guy.

  3. Gnetch November 24, 2010 at 3:08 am #

    LMAO!! Brilliant! May I suggest your performance art to my brother? He should totally do something like this.

    • wanderingmenace November 24, 2010 at 8:01 am #

      Well Gnetch, I’m happy you enjoy it.
      I’m gonna say yes on the sharing, as long as I can get some waffles out of it. With fruit.
      But not strawberries, because I’m allergic to them and they make me look like a mutant with measles.

  4. Bob November 24, 2010 at 3:51 am #

    Wow Ryan people must be loving our banter. Checked my stats and I was getting a bunch of hits off of your corner of the Internet. Thought you had added me to your blogroll or something.

    Let’s get on this winning the lottery thing, seriously the winters in Manitoba are starting to drive me loopy!

    • wanderingmenace November 24, 2010 at 8:03 am #

      Well happy to share my little corner of the world wide web bob, happy to share.

      Lets use the law of attraction to harness the lottery winnings and also to maybe get me a grilled cheese sandwich for lunch. With three kinds of cheese.

      And a little slice of ham.

  5. Mom November 24, 2010 at 11:46 am #

    Well, talk like this just makes me worry about you & your brother!

    • wanderingmenace November 24, 2010 at 12:02 pm #

      I don’t understand how this could possibly worry you!
      Clearly we are destined for greatness.
      Think of how proud you’d be knowing both of your offspring had earned enough to eat at IHOP, WITHOUT having to pay a manager.
      Street corner one day, Tate Modern the next.
      Just sayin.

  6. subWOW November 26, 2010 at 7:59 am #

    I honestly can see this work. You may need some drums. Everybody loves drums.

    p.s. Is that your mom? So cool! LOL

    • wanderingmenace November 26, 2010 at 11:02 am #

      hahaha, yes various family members occasionally pop up in the comments. Drums aren’t a bad idea, I think maybe I’ll invest in some….

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