Buckets of bird, battlefields, and my hunger for vengence

27 Nov

Eating drumsticks makes me feel like I’m in an epic movie.

sponsor of middle earth

I imagine myself roaming fields littered with orcs, monsters, dragons, and other fantastical beasts while ripping the flesh off the bone with my teeth.

Which is why this is not the greatest food for me to eat in front of other people.

I just get too excited.

Every bite bursts forth an orchestral soundtrack, images of battles, mead, and big-breasted barmaids.  Usually in this scenario I picture myself in worn armor, unsheathed sword in one hand, drumstick in the other.  Blood and dirt streaked across my cheek, head of a beast underneath my mighty foot.

Needless to say, this makes trips to KFC a bit awkward.

Thank God for delivery.

Now it’s just the one witness who stands by in silence while I hand over payment in a velvet-pouch.  Shaking the hand of the good man who ventured forth to bring me the feast, I nod my head in somber gratitude for all those who fell during whichever flick I’ve had playing in the background.  Smiling greedily, I then take the bucket of bird into my private lair for consumption.

Tonight, for all who fought against Mordor, Lord Voldemort, Troy, and the Sheriff of Nottingham (both animated and Alan Rickman)-I raise this leg to you.

Good eve, bloggers.  Good eve.


7 Responses to “Buckets of bird, battlefields, and my hunger for vengence”

  1. Phylix November 27, 2010 at 10:48 pm #

    This should also dedicated to the Fallen Norse Gods.My mind couldn’t help but go there

    • wanderingmenace November 28, 2010 at 8:44 am #

      Definitely. Let’s include all of it.
      I realized afterward that I forgot to reference Gladiator and Braveheart.
      And probably also some others, got too sidetracked by the bird to continue.
      Thanks for stopping by!

  2. Bob November 28, 2010 at 12:52 am #

    I often have a similar experience when I dine out on Sushi. In my mind I am Captain Nemo, battling the evil Kraken. Feasting on the spoils of battle.

    Sometimes I forget what Nemo I am though, and poor Marlin and Dory never make it to Australia to find his son.

    Munch Munch Munch

    • wanderingmenace November 28, 2010 at 8:47 am #

      Hiya Bob.
      Yes sushi nights around here get a little intense, but that’s a whole different post.
      I just love how in the standard epic movie, there’s always some relatively fat guy chowing down on a gigantic drumstick and or lamb leg.
      Obviously, etiquette school was time well spent.

  3. Grandma Helen November 28, 2010 at 5:35 pm #

    There must be something absolutely Freudian in your drumstick-devouring fantasies, but I’m darned if I know what it is!

    Glad you satisfy your hunger with KFC instead of somebody’s pet large raptor or other feathered creature.

  4. Gnetch November 28, 2010 at 9:57 pm #

    You’re making me want to get KFC at 5 am!! Haha!

    • wanderingmenace November 29, 2010 at 12:39 pm #

      Tis a glorious idea Gnetch. Battlefield chicken hath no definite hour.

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