Girl on girl, beads, and keeping my boobs in check.

1 Dec

My best friend P.J. and I spent an entire weekend making out for charity.

By charity I mean a foundation we created on Bourbon Street.

In the middle of Mardi Gras.

An organization dedicated to the promotion of more beads, if you will.

Specifically, more beads for she and I to merrily don around our necks as we swam along with rest of the crowd.

If her husband is reading this, I’m sure he’s intrigued.

Approximately twenty minutes after landing at the airport, she and I were whisked away to the apartment of our French friend.  He was living in New Orleans, decided we had to give the festival a try, and invited us down to the booze-infested mess.

It was awesome.

Except that I didn’t want to flash anyone.

I know, I’m lame.

So when the first group of guys on the crowded street came up asking to reveal our racks for the beads around their necks, I turned to P.J. and loudly proclaimed:

“I’ll kiss her for your beads”

Just for a frame of reference, P.J. and I were not in the habit of kissing each other.  At all.  She had no idea I was about to suggest we lock tongues for beads.  In fact, I had no idea this was my plan.  It just seemed like a good move at the time.

So, quite rationally, this statement threw her off guard.  Staring at me with huge eyes she blurted out:

“What?! You want to kiss me?  Here?! I don’t think I can…. Isn’t that weird?”

I bet you can’t guess what kind of audience we were collecting at this point.

Forever egged on by a crowd, I grabbed her hand, gave her a coy smile and said:

“Come on, it’s no big deal.  I swear I’m good.  It’ll be soft.  And gentle.”

Her expression now completly confused she nervously looked at the growing crowd of testosterone surrounding us and said:

“With tongue?  Like French kissing?…”

At this point a burst of chanting broke out around us.  Frat boys, men, and other creatures began pulling beads off their necks while hollering:

“kiss her! kiss her! kiss her!”

So, doing what any menace in my situation would do, I grabbed her face and kissed her.  With tongue.

It was really good actually, as far as kissing goes.  Far better than some of the other smooches I’ve experienced in my time.  It was soft and nice, and there was no tongue sword-fighting, just gentle twisting and turning.  Our rythm was incredible.

When it was over, we had many, many beads.

So it became the game of the weekend.

One of us would shyly announce to men who requested flashing, that instead we’d make out for beads. The other would instantly become offended and appalled at such a suggestion.  We’d discuss it as the crowd formed.  Eventually, we’d give in.

At some point someone said the kissing had to last at least a solid minute, but considering we both know what we’re doing in the lip department, that didn’t bother either of us.

At the end of the weekend, I had more beads than my little neck could bear.

What can I say, P.J. is the greatest best friend a girl could ask for.

Long. Live. Her. Smooches.


15 Responses to “Girl on girl, beads, and keeping my boobs in check.”

  1. suki @ [Super Duper Fantastic] December 1, 2010 at 6:16 pm #

    Did all the beads make it through security? 🙂

  2. wanderingmenace December 1, 2010 at 6:26 pm #

    They did indeed Suki. Two years later I found them in the back of my closet when I was packing up to move to Paris. Donated them to a highschool drama club. Figured they’d get put to good use.
    Such a good samaritan.

  3. Bob December 1, 2010 at 7:53 pm #

    That sounds like a purrfectly good way to celebrate Mardi Gras. I am sure that the guys were starting to get sick of seeing all those sweater torpedoes anyway.

    Good thought to not only protect your twins from ogling man eyes but also to promote a same sex lifestyle, even if it’s not your own choice. Very pro-active of you Ryzilla.

    The only thing that I can think that would have made your trip more enjoyable was to make sure that Ellen DeGeneres was in the crowd watching you. Then you would have made out with a brand new Buick Regal for your making out efforts.

    • wanderingmenace December 1, 2010 at 9:53 pm #

      Yes lets pretend I was being pro-active and not thinking to myself:
      I need more beads, I need more beads, I need more beads.

      It’s like crack, I swear.

  4. Bathwater December 1, 2010 at 8:07 pm #

    My friend Tink is going to Mardi Gras this year with her boyfriend in toe. I’ll be sure to mention that form of beads for service to her because I don’t think he’d like her showing off her boobs for beads.

    • wanderingmenace December 1, 2010 at 9:51 pm #

      Well it certainly works, though a massive part of the appeal is that it look as though one of the girls is extremely embarassed by the proposal.

      I don’t think Mardi Gras is really a great place for couples though. Best of luck to him not having a heart attack.

  5. TheIdiotSpeaketh December 1, 2010 at 9:32 pm #

    On behalf of the males of the species….

    THANK YOU!!!! for posts like this!!…. 🙂

    This restores my faith in humanity!

    Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

    • wanderingmenace December 1, 2010 at 9:54 pm #


      Happy to help. Wandering the globe, restoring the faith in humanity. All in a days work my friend, all in a days work.

  6. Your Father December 1, 2010 at 10:32 pm #

    And I needed to know about this because…..??

    • wanderingmenace December 1, 2010 at 10:43 pm #

      Because you needed to be proud that your daughter was able:

      1. to gather beads, thereby participating in the local culture
      2. do so without baring her chest to all of mankind

      real outside the box type thinking pops, you should be proud.

  7. Man-shopper December 1, 2010 at 11:05 pm #

    Oh my, after that comment by “Your Father,” I must admit that I am soooo relieved right now that my family doesn’t know about my blog. But at least your dad can rest easy on the point that you didn’t show your boobs everywhere.

    You are a menace, and I love you for it. In fact, you know that I gladly join in on the malarkey whenever I get a chance. But if you were my daughter, I would freaking out right now.

    By the way, I don’t know if you know this about me, but I am not going to have girl babies. My decision is final. I don’t care how I make this happen. But if my daughters are going to be anything like us, I am NOT having daughters. Period.

    • wanderingmenace December 1, 2010 at 11:15 pm #

      In regards to the family commentary:

      If they want to read it, they can read it. I assure you, reading the blog is nothing compared to sitting through a dinner when my brother and I start swapping tales in front of my parents…

      They’re liberal, they wanted us to be open-minded. They got what they asked for.

      But yea.
      I’m sure I’ll end up with all daughters…
      Karma is going to kick my ass.

  8. Gnetch December 2, 2010 at 4:44 am #

    Haha! I love that your dad commented on this post! 😀

    I guess a girl on girl is better than flashing. What else could you have done, right?

    • wanderingmenace December 2, 2010 at 8:05 am #

      Thank you Gnetch, thank you.

      Survival of the fittest, and all that-right?

      Not my fault it worked so well.

  9. Grandma Helen December 7, 2010 at 4:31 pm #


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