The nighttime goldfish ghost.

24 Feb

In eighth grade I briefly owned a goldfish with a deflated eyeball sack.

I know, he was pretty awesome.

At night he’d swim around his tiny bowl and hit the side with his face.

Vision was a little hard for Ralph with that droopy eyeball.

He wasn’t long for this world, and after about a week in my lair, I offered his body to the porcelain Gods.


Since I was a big fan of the little guy, I’ve decided to immortalize him here, both sacks re-inflated.  I figure he’d want to look presentable to the blogging community, I know fame was always a big aspiration of Ralph’s.

So here he is.

Your nighttime goldfish ghost.

Surfing the blogosphere, one pumped eyesack at a time.

G’night bloggers.

18 Responses to “The nighttime goldfish ghost.”

  1. geekhiker February 24, 2011 at 3:32 am #

    We had fish when I was a kid. They didn’t last long. As I recall, my Dad put them down the garbage disposal, rather than having the dignity of a proper commode funeral.

    Now that I think about it, that’s kind of sad…

    • wanderingmenace February 24, 2011 at 11:23 am #

      That is horrible and also hilarious.
      I’m picturing it as a movie scene right now.
      Pretty harsh to not just flush.
      Sorry about your lack of fish funeral.

  2. Your Father February 24, 2011 at 5:37 am #

    pssst: wasn’t he kinda yeallow, clue being in the “gold”fish part… Is this one of those creative artistic things or did the notepad ran out of yellow? Hmmm, maybe he appeared to be green cuz no one ever cleaned the bowl!

    • wanderingmenace February 24, 2011 at 11:27 am #

      You are thinking of the fish that Kid Ginger won at the county fair that were supposed to last for a month and instead stuck around growing for seven years.
      I doubt if you remember Ralph. He was a gift from a certain friend of mine on my birthday. Ralph was nearly a corpse when he arrived, and she told me she knew I would appreciate her concern at the pet store.
      Later, when enough time had passed, I put a different goldfish in his tank.
      She did not last long either.
      Ralph was blue/greenish.
      Though admittedly, this looked more unhealthy than natural.
      If you don’t remember, I returned the favor to this specific friend by giving her birds for her birthday.
      Her mother had to deal with that for years.
      Good times.

  3. Bob February 24, 2011 at 11:36 am #

    I think you are on some kind of a roll here Ryan. First the hairy testicle popping out at Yoga now the freaky one eyed fish. Are you trying to tell us something?

    Did Timmy fall down the well again?

    • wanderingmenace February 24, 2011 at 2:15 pm #

      All of these posts are symbols and you are the first one to notice!
      Congrats Bob, congrats.
      I can’t tell you the actual message or the alien pod octopus that showed up to terrorize me will come back.
      Please try to piece it together.
      Or else we are doomed.
      Ok, not the whole planet. It appears the octupi are really interested in wiping us out of cheese.
      We cannot let this happen.

  4. Man-shopper February 24, 2011 at 3:09 pm #



    Eye + sack = ick.

    • wanderingmenace March 1, 2011 at 8:50 pm #

      I can think of other nouns that are more disgusting when placed in front of sack.

  5. TheIdiotSpeaketh February 24, 2011 at 3:43 pm #

    That first sentence is a classic! I always feel sad for poor little fish with droopy eyeball sacks! Poor little guy! 🙂

    • wanderingmenace March 1, 2011 at 8:51 pm #

      Yes well fear not, Ralph is now living the high after-life, I assure you. 🙂

  6. AmericanBridiget February 24, 2011 at 8:08 pm #

    Not sure what is more piss-your-pant-hilarious, 1) the fact that you had a goldfish w/ a deflated eye sack that you’ve immortalized here on the WWW or 2) the fact that you named him Ralph. Now anyone with a fucked-up eye named Ralph will remind me immediately of a goldfish.

  7. apieceofthepiehole February 28, 2011 at 12:20 am #

    Made me think of my Beta that had 9 lives! We had to put him in the freezer to euthanize him after having him for over 6 years (that is a good and humane way to let the little guys go to sleep and die in peace. It also works for birds so I hear.) ! I loved that little fish!

    • wanderingmenace March 1, 2011 at 8:53 pm #


      I would love to have witnessed the conversation leading to this course of action.

  8. Thypolar March 1, 2011 at 5:35 pm #

    Whoa…. I had a gold fish with a droopy eyeball sack too. Is that what they’re called? Droopy eyeball sacks? That’s awesome. I’ve never had a goldfish live that long before. He was definitely an overachiever.

    • wanderingmenace March 1, 2011 at 8:54 pm #

      Yes. I believe that is the technical term.
      If not, I should consult wikipedia…

  9. Georgina Dollface March 2, 2011 at 3:06 pm #

    RIP Ralph. *sniff* I lost some sea friends long ago too. But it was all my fault. I thought that my little Sea Monkeys would appreciate sunlight, so I put their little plastic Sea Monkey Circus Bowl on the windowsill. While I was at school, the sunlight boiled them all. I feel so ashamed telling you this. I will probably have nightmares now…- G

  10. subWOW March 3, 2011 at 7:16 am #

    I do enjoy your drawings. “Surfing the blogosphere, one pumped eyesack at a time.” LOVE.

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