London, trains, and boogers

17 Nov

There is a man across from me on this train with his finger so far up his nose I’m worried he might accidentally nip brain matter.

From the looks of him, it wouldn’t be the first time.

He clearly thinks lifting the Tom Clancy novel high enough covers this semi-scandalous activity.

There’s a wedding ring on his finger.

That’s a lucky lady awaiting him at home, that’s all I can say.  I bet she’s prepared some dinner, got a big smile on her face, and probably has no idea her husband digs for nasal gold on public transportation.

Wait, I bet she knows.

Maybe she just doesn’t care.

Maybe that’s what marriage is.  Not caring if your partner pokes around in various orifices in public, provided the holes in question are on their own body and not somebody else’s….

I wonder if he does that in bed.  Laying there next to her, flicking his crusty friends off the side.  Inevitably, they pile up in the carpet, a carnage of days past.  She lies there, next to this, engrossed in episodes of reality tv.

She’s probably not innocent in this either.  Any woman who lets her husband think that Tom Clancy can hide his booger fest 2012 probably has quite a few questionable habits lurking on her end of the dining table.

Maybe they do it together.  Maybe they were having problems, nearing divorce, and they decided to hit up counseling.  Maybe the counselor suggested team-building activities.  Sitting up late one night, they got to talking.  Ideas flowing, their interest in finding an activity they could share sparked something they’d thought lost.

The thought of breaking social convention via nose-picking seemed exciting.  Relatively harmless, yet still frowned upon.

Yea, I bet they discovered picking their noses together.  A secret revolting ritual no one else understands.  Maybe he’s going to go home and announce he managed to pull one over on the blonde girl sitting across from him on the train.

He’ll proudly tell the love of his life that the mystery girl across from him had no idea what he was up to.  Working like a spy, he managed to unhook the little devil from the depths of his nose from behind Clancy.

A regular 007.

She’ll tell him she got a good one in the cereal aisle of the grocery store.  Oh the stories they’ll share, this married couple.

I guess I’ll just let him keep thinking he’s pulling this off.  If it’s for love, after all, why bother interrupting.  Not to mention I can’t identify a bonus to announcing to someone that you’re aware of their activities.  It’s not like I’m the booger police after all.

Now, if he was free-farting, I might have a problem.  God help the couple that does that on public transportation for the sanctity of marriage.

Oh good, I just got to London.

Maybe I’ll let Zilla out of the suitcase to roam a bit.

Hopefully she won’t tell this guy she saw his activities.

I’d hate to break up a happy marriage after all.

12 Responses to “London, trains, and boogers”

  1. AmericanBridget November 17, 2011 at 9:37 pm #

    Good gawd that was gross and hilarious all at once.

    • wanderingmenace November 17, 2011 at 11:08 pm #

      Yay!! Fellow girl Ryan is here, this always makes me happy. Sorry to gross you out, but honestly, had to be done.
      Desperate times Ry, desperate times…

  2. Courtney November 17, 2011 at 10:26 pm #

    Hah – you’ve figured out the secret of a happy marriage. 🙂 Then add two kids (who happen to be boys), and the gross-o-meter goes out of control. Sometimes I just have to take deep breaths when I think about it.

    • wanderingmenace November 17, 2011 at 11:08 pm #

      I can just imagine you with the two boys Court. Those have got to be some deeeeeeeep breaths 🙂

  3. gnetch November 18, 2011 at 3:54 am #

    They probably do some sort of a burping battle at home too. You know, for kicks.

    • wanderingmenace November 18, 2011 at 5:06 pm #

      Anything is possible when it comes to marriage Gnetch….it’s an institution I find rather terrifying.

  4. Bob November 18, 2011 at 12:20 pm #

    Ahhh, nose nugget miners. What a wonderful way to start a Friday!

    Gawd I’ve missed you, that’s it you’re not to go away any more!

    • wanderingmenace November 18, 2011 at 5:06 pm #

      I missed you to big guy, I’ll try and be around more frequently, scouts honor.

      Not that I was an obedient scout mind you, but i will try….

  5. John November 18, 2011 at 2:34 pm #

    Well, so much for breakfast.

    • wanderingmenace November 18, 2011 at 5:07 pm #

      Apologies John, sometimes I forget you guys wake up to this nonsense. Probably not great reading material with your cereal.

  6. Miss Demure Restraint November 19, 2011 at 5:20 am #

    Gross, disgusting and hilarious. Perhaps you missed your calling and should look into a position as a marriage counselor.

    Laughed my ass off.

  7. chickensconsigliere November 24, 2011 at 8:21 pm #

    Happy Thanksgiving, Menace. Maybe the boogerfest had something to do with stuffing. OK that was gross and makes no sense seeing as they don’t do Tday where you are. But that’s all I’ve got. I think my blood sugar might be low. I’ll be better next time, I promise.

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