2 Mar

It looks like Zilla has escaped.

One of her friends showed up, and my little alter-ego is now roaming the blogosphere in need of sandwiches, spelunking gear, and fortune cookies.

I know this because they left a to-do list in her cage.

It was sitting there beside an empty bottle of champagne, a carnage of Pabst cans (also empty), and what may or may not have at one point been a pizza.

They leave big teeth marks, so until forensics gets here, it’s hard to know for sure.

I believe the friend in question is this guy:

he's been after her for years


Needless to say, I am going on a hunt.

Well, first I’m going to go sweat my guts out in yoga, and then I’m going on a hunt.

If she stops by your blog, please don’t mention either Dave Matthews Band or beets.

Her epic hatred of these two topics can cause some serious damage.

The great Auntie-Anne’s pretzel stand incident of ’07 is still a fresh memory for half of Washington state.

Rest assured, I will catch her soon enough.

Godspeed dear bloggers, Godspeed.



  1. Bob March 2, 2011 at 4:08 pm #

    Rest assured I am on the hunt for those two rogue party lizards. Well I’m on the hunt for a good party most of the time anyway so it’s not a big deal.

    Good luck containing the carnage, maybe you should check the local sci-fi channels one of them may be attacking Tokyo!

    • wanderingmenace March 2, 2011 at 6:59 pm #

      Good plan Bob, good plan.
      Zilla loves herself a good spicy tuna roll, so it’s likely they’ve hit Japan.

      Also, Ryzilla is a distant cousin of Godzilla. So she herself is not a lizard, or a dinosaur, or a dragon.
      She is just a Zilla.

      I cannot at this time comment on the species of her friend. Further research necessary.

  2. AmericanBridget March 2, 2011 at 5:21 pm #

    I need to hear more about the colliding of Pabst and Champagne…that’s a new one!

    Zilla hasn’t stopped by my blog, but if she does, I’ll let her know that you’re out searching for spelunking gear.

    • wanderingmenace March 2, 2011 at 7:01 pm #

      Yes apparantly it’s a special cocktail mixed via spiked tail.
      Who knows.
      She tried to get me to drink one once, but I declined the offer.
      It didn’t help any that she was mixing it with pork rinds.

      Thanks for the heads up. She might just end up your way. Who knows Ry, who knows.

  3. TheIdiotSpeaketh March 2, 2011 at 6:03 pm #

    Ok ya little blonde haired sandwich eating freakette! You can’t just toss the carrot out there and leave us hanging!! Spill the beans about the Pretzel stand incident!! Let’s hear it! I would bet it is a doozy! ๐Ÿ™‚

  4. geekhiker March 2, 2011 at 8:08 pm #

    I dunno… PBR? Really? PBR? ๐Ÿ˜‰

    I will be waiting with bated breath for the rest of the pretzel story. But you can bet your arse I’ll be drinking a better quality beer when I’m reading it. ๐Ÿ˜€

    (And for making that joke, yes, the next time you’re in L.A., I owe you a beer!)

    • wanderingmenace March 2, 2011 at 8:53 pm #

      Listen Geekhiker,
      You cannot blame me for their beverage tastes. I only report what was left behind.
      A real sad state of affairs, I grant you that.

  5. subWOW March 3, 2011 at 7:23 am #

    Do you want us to try to keep her if she stops by and contact you? In the mean time, what should we do to keep her from running away again? Pabst? Champagne? Pizza?

    • wanderingmenace March 3, 2011 at 7:29 am #

      Yes I would very much appreciate it if you could try and keep her should she stop by your blog. Those three things are definitely going to peak her interest, but a homemade sandwich is most likely to keep her lingering around checking for lost crumbs long enough for me to get there.
      On a plus side, she’s good with kids and sarcasm.
      Thanks for the offer. ๐Ÿ™‚

  6. chickens consigliere March 8, 2011 at 3:49 am #

    I could plant a post about the Dave Matthews fan club to draw her out. If I can think of a blogger I don’t like, that is. A blooger (ha). That’s not easy, but when I do, I’ll hack into their blog, see, and p abost about how blooger wants desperately to procreate with DM while Satellite wafts in the background. That ought to bring Zilla running. Which is exactly why I can’t do it on my blog. The devastation, the carnage, yikes.

  7. Ken March 14, 2011 at 1:52 pm #

    You had me at “Pabst.”

  8. Chickens Consigliere April 20, 2011 at 9:35 pm #

    I think I saw that Pabst swigging, lizard-skinned free spirit. She came by my place looking for a chicken salad wrap. Yeah, you can imagine how that went over. What I don’t possess in stature, I make up for in psychotic rage. I believe she might be on her way back to your place. Or maybe Costa Rica. Either or.

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