In 2082, I will be 101 years old.
My flying car (if Hollywood has taught me anything, it’s that the future always contains flying cars) will be yellow and I’ll use it to pick up men.
Alternatively, I could use it to buzz around with my pack of wild, free-range french bulldogs (you know, in case by that point I have no interest in the opposite sex-having outlived all seven of my husbands-mwhahahaha).
Though I suppose it would have to be an SUV version to accomodate myself and the pack…..
Who doesn’t love the image of an old lady in a cape, her imaginary Zilla friend, and a pack of snorting hogdogs buzzing around Paris in 2082?
Oh yes, did I mention, I’ll be living in Paris at that time.
Not a huge stretch really, considering I live here now, but whatever, a lot could happen between then and now.
No wait, a lot will happen by then. Such as:
-My sandwich-chain shop Zilla’s will start in Paris, but then spread rapidly like a global plague, enticing individuals regardless of race, religion, gender, or sexual preference….scents of the delicious snacks will permeate the atmosphere. This will be the reason aliens come to earth, uttering “take me to your deli”, in a trance-like manner.
-Reruns from the nineties will still be playing endlessly on television to numb the brains of children, but they will refer to the shows as “AFTY” (archaic funny from times of yore). They will only speak in abbreviations by this point, as there is simply not enough time to formulate comprehensive sentences.
-Pet goldfish will be a long-lost thing of the past as a result of the great cat-cultural-revolution lasting between 2056-2065. Also, cats will be severely monitored for suspicious behavior and it will take until 2089 for people to discover the UFA (underground feline association) – a terrorist operation spreading miles deep within the belly of the Earth. Fortunately, I will be dead by then, so this doesn’t particularly matter for me, but figured I’d give a heads up.
-Plastic surgery will become known as TYWWLLR (those years when women willingly looked like robots), and anyone carving into their own face to change it completely will be considered an outcast. The switch doesn’t happen until 2038 and is a result of a gas leak, silicon, and something called GYNRYM “grow your own nose, remove your own in minutes-as seen on tv!!”
-Also, I will have my own version of monopoly. As should we all, dear readers, as should we all.
There’s more, but I don’t want to spoil it all for you. Just figured I’d give you a little peak at some of the great things to occur in my 101 years. Something tells me you all have plans of your own…..
Happy Birthday Great Grandma, I’m not sure how you’ve managed to deal with us all for this long, but here you are, 101 years later….
Gotta run, Zilla’s burning breakfast.