The greatest defense for any crime ever committed was uttered by my brother as he stood in the driveway, holding the broken antennae of my father’s truck in his trembling fist:
‘Dad, my mind made me do it’.
Yes, we Christen’s are known for our slick, stealth, and graceful behavior in all situations. We’ve been bred for greatness, thats for damn sure, and absolutely no one is going to take that away from us. Or at least thats what we tell each other.
For his part, my father has done much to further the public humiliations that tend to scatter our family outings. In particular-family outings in Paris.
Enter dear reader, into the small cafe down the cobblestone street where one blonde anglophone sits with his two offspring during the summer of 1999. The children, new to Paris, have been promised a local meal by their father-who is determined to show them how to properly dine in French culture.
Starting of course, with the wine.
Before the waiter arrives at the table with the bottle, the proud father turns to his children and mutters:
‘listen kids, I am going to show you how to properly taste wine. It’s a big deal in this country, and something you should learn. There’s a whole process, it’s pretty neat’
The children watch in anticipation as the waiter approaches holding a bottle of what is undoubtedly very expensive, very fine wine. Both sets of wide eyes gaze upon the label as it is presented to their father. They hold their breath in anticipation as the cork is popped open, and the thick red fluid splashes into the glass of the most intelligent man they know. Their eyes sparkle as the ritual unfolds before them, their father holds the glass up to the light, swirls the liquid, takes a deep sniff of the scent, lowers it to his lips, and………
Causing the red wine to cover himself, his children, and the elderly couple sitting next to the American family.
Elderly couple not amused. Children in a fit of hysterical laughter. Father frozen like a deer in headlights.
He would later blame allergies. But kid-ginger and I-we’re pretty sure his mind made him do it.